Paint Balling with the Cullens!
by Twilight Fan Girls
Summary: PAINT BALLIN! Ok, so Emmett angers Rosalie, starting a war between the genders...  Includes a pretty good paint balliing[manipulating Bella, scheming [when is she not?] Alice, and a sulking Emmett bent on revenge...
1. Good Job, Emmett

_OK, so its Voldemort here, again. This is my second solo story; tell me if you want me to continue!! _

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight, cause if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't have given the world the gift of Jasper…

_Ok so I now introduce:_

**Paint Ball With the Cullens**

_**Chapter 1**_

It was a regular Saturday, Alice had forced me to go shopping with her, and stupidly I had agreed. Wandering around the Seattle mall, Alice informed me then that we were almost done for the day.

"Hmm, ok. So we've hit Channel, Gucci, Abercrombie, um…. I think that's all….," Alice trailed off, mentally checking her list. Suddenly, Alice slumped off into vision mode, and a few seconds later, she was back grinning evilly. "One last store, Bella!"

Alice dragged me along, chipper as ever, and came to a stop at the front of _Paint Ball and Hunting World!_. I looked, horrified at the store, as Alice cheerfully lead me in, and began to look at protective gear.

"Alice…. What did you see?" I asked carefully.

"Oh, nothing, Bella! Just Emmett, ya know, being Emmett…," Alice trailed off, "Oh, this would look fabulous with the new jeans that I bought you from Abercrombie!! Here, pull then out and see!!" Alice squealed, carefully ignoring my question, holding up a cute protective jacket.

"Alice," I growled, quite annoyed that she was keeping something from me.

"Bella! Calm down, it was nothing. You'll have FUN!" Alice insisted, while looking at some paint ball guns. "Hmmm…. I wonder how much she can take? Hmmm…." Alice squeezed her eyes shut, looking into my near future, "Aha! Yes, I would pick this one, wouldn't I?! Cute, small, easy to manage…" Alice rambled to herself, picking up a rifle-like gun, then turning and picking up 7 other guns which looked down right scary. I was afraid. Very Afraid.

"Helmets!" Alice quipped, "I almost forgot a helmet!" Alice looked appalled with herself, as she grabbed a helmet off the rack, not even giving it a second glance, then charging to the check-out. "Oh, Bella, this is gonna be fun!!" Alice whispered to me, standing up to the cash with an angelic smile.

"Hey, there, sweetheart! Don't you think you're a little young to be here all by yourself? I can't sell you these, you're too young…" The older guy at the cash smiled at Alice as he rambled on.

"Oh, so I'm old enough to be married, in university, and driving my own 911 turbo Porsche, a gift from my brother, but not old enough to buy paint ball equipment?!?!!" Alice all but screamed at the guy. "Holy FLIP I'm so pissed off at people assuming that just because I'm 4'9" that I'm not OLDER THAN YOU!!! LOOK AT MY ID YOU FREAKEN IDIOT!!!" Alice yelled at the cash guy, throwing her, though fake, but very legit—thank you, Jasper—ID at the cash guy. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!!?!? I AM ALICE CULLEN!!!" The cash guy visibly paled. "Yeah, that's right!! ALICE FREAKEN CULLEN!!! I PRACTICLY OWN THE MALL!!! OR ANY MALL, FOR THAT!!!"

"Umm, um…. Oh…ah…" The cash guy stuttered, "I'm SOO, so, so, so, so sorry, Miss Cullen!! Please, forgive me!!! I want to keep my job! Please! Oh! I'll give you a discount!!! All of this merchandise is not 50 off!!"

"Well, I suppose that could make the situation less irritable, and that might make up for your insolence, and I just may not call the manager, George? Is George working today?" Alice asked.

"Um… yes?" Cash guy answered timidly.

"Oooh!!! Get him!! I haven't spoken to George in forever!!! Bella, you will LOVE George!!" Alice squealed, causing the cash guy to start in surprise at her sudden mood swing. The cash guy disappeared for a few minuets.

"Alice!" I hissed, "That poor guy!! You had him so scared!! That was not nice at all!"

"Oh, Bella! He was going to ask you out, I decided to spare him his life and change his course. Cause then, we would have gotten home, and then Edward would have totally freaked, and then he would have—"

"Alice!" I suppose this was George, yelled happily at her. "What are you doing here?! Oh, picking up some paint ball gear are we? How are those rifles holding out? They should be wearing out soon…"

"Oh, they're just dandy! I needed to pick up some paint ball gear for my family, they're really bored, and regular hunting just isn't cutting it anymore, I guess… Or I'm just worried that they'll really use the rifles on Emmett, you know how he can be… OH! How's Carol? Has she had the baby yet?" Alice asked in about one breath.

George and Alice carried on their conversation for about 5 minuets, when Alice mentioned the incident with Cash Guy. George looked appalled, and started yelling at Cash Guy for a few minuets, then decided to give Alice the stuff for free.

We were walking happily from the store, with Alice chattering happily about the joy in talking to George again, when I decided to ask Alice about the guns, the real ones.

"Oh, well… um, it's a funny story, but we have to have Emmett and Jasper for the full effect!" Alice happily explained while we jumped into her new Porsche. "Well, the real reason we have guns is because we use them when we play paint ball, but I kinda figured that since you were here we should get the paint ball guns, cause you wouldn't really appreciate an accident, and Edward would be PISSED."

"PAINT BALL?!!?!" I screeched, realizing what Alice expected.

"Don't try and get out of this, Bella, it's set in stone. And you'll have lots of fun!! Please, please, please?" Alice asked me, pulling out the puppy dog eyes when she sensed that the threats weren't doing their job.

"Fine. But don't expect me to do much." I answered sourly as we pulled into the Cullen's driveway.

"Yay! Yay! Yay!! Yay!!" Alice squealed as she jumped out of the car and shouted to someone in the house, "SHE SAID YES!!!"

"REALLY?!" Emmett, I knew he had something to do with this!, asked running out of the house. "AWESOME!!! Did you get the guns??!!!!"

"You bet I did!! Here, grab them from the back…" Alice trailed off as Rosalie walked out the front door with Jasper trailing behind her.

"AWESOME!!!" Emmett cheered as he fired off the gun, hitting Rosalie right in the left thigh. Rosalie glared at Emmett, and Emmett face fell in fear.

"You. Are. So. Dead." Rosalie said, giving Emmett a death glare. "These were my favourite pair of jeans, and you RUINED THEM!!! This is WAR, EmmyBear, WAR!!!" Rosalie shrieked, running into the house.

"Oh, dear, you are in trouble…." Jasper started. "Alice and I are on Rosalie's team."

"Oh, I think not, Jazzy." Alice smiled sweetly at Jasper.

"What? Why not, Alice?" Jasper asked, confused.

"Because, Jazz, it's a battle of the sexes." Alice said, followed by an evil giggle. "Come on, Bella!! We need to prepare the troops!!"


	2. So it beguins

_Hello everyone. I find it amusing that many of you enjoyed the first chapter, cause I was disappointed with it and was debating about taking it down and revamping it… Oh, yes, and excuse the typos, I'm writing on Word, but it makes mistakes too,_

_Thanks Voldemort._

**Disclaimer:**** Nope, surprisingly I DO NOT own Twilight; I thought I could buy it, but apparently my $6 wasn't enough, maybe next week when I get my allowance…**

**Paint Balling With the Cullens!**

**Chapter 2**

_"Oh, I think not, Jazzy." Alice smiled sweetly at Jasper._

_"What? Why not, Alice?" Jasper asked, confused._

_"Because, Jazz, it's a battle of the sexes." Alice said, followed by an evil giggle. "Come on, Bella!! We need to prepare the troops!!"_

Alice grabbed my hand, and pulled me into the house, laughing like a maniac the entire way. As Alice continued to pull me with my pathetic amount of resistance, we passed Edward while going up the stairs. As I tripped and almost fell to my death, Edward caught me.

"Damn it, Alice! Be more careful with Bella! And where are you taking her?! I told you that you only got 5 hours, and then I was taking her back, no more Barbie for today," Edward, my saviour, announced to Alice. Alice just grabbed me from Edward, and continued to drag me to her room to 'prepare the troops'.

"Alice," Edward started, "I said NO. Just give her back and I won't get violent…"

Rosalie came storming from her room. "OH NO YOU DO NOT, EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN!!!! BELLA IS ON OUR TEAM, AND I'LL BE DAMNED (no pun intended….but it is still slightly amusing…) IF YOU TAKE HER FROM US!!!!" Rosalie stormed at Edward, hoisting me over her shoulder as if I was some new Prada bag.

"See, Edward?" Alice quipped, "Do you really want Rosalie, Esme, AND Me to be angry with you. Now, go down to the rest of your team, create a game plan, and don't be a baby. All is fair in love and war, AND THIS IS WAR. And we are SO going to beat you!"

"AND EMMETT!!!" Rosalie yelled cheerfully, walking into Alice's room and throwing me down on the bed.

"What type of war is this, anyway?" Edward asked, though I'm sure h probably already had a very clear idea.

"Paintball!! I LOVE paintball!!" Esme squealed as she came striding into the room.

"NO. No paint ball!!!" Edward yelled, furious. "We're stupid enough to trust Emmett with a gun normally, but I refuse with Bella!! SHE COULD GET SHOT!!!"

"Don't worry so much, Edward. I bought her a bullet proof vest! And it came in the prettiest shade of blue…" Alice sighed, her eyes dancing with mischief, as Edward became even more enraged. "EW, you honestly believe that I would put Bella in danger?! EDWARD! Why can't you trust me! I bought paint ball guns for us all!!" Alice yelled.

"Ooh, did you go to _Paint Ball and Hunting World!_?" Esme asked.

"Yes!" Alice replied, turning away from Edward to Esme, "And I saw George! Yes, Carol had the baby, it was a GIRL!" Edward grudgingly walked down the stairs outside to where the guys were, slamming the front door on his way out.

"DON'T SLAM THE DOORS!!!" Esme shrieked after him.

"He's just like a little boy, who didn't get his way…" I giggled, causing Esme to smile and Rosalie and Alice to erupt into laughter.

"Yay!! I'm so glad that I just _happened_ to by these walkie-talkie headset thingies…" Alice said, pulling out an unmarked plastic bag from underneath her bed. "I got them so that we can communicate easier, but they're quiet enough so that the guys can't hear them without listening really hard…. But they'll also be surrounded by our helmets, because we wouldn't want to mess up our hair, now would we?" Alice asked,

Rosalie smiled, "So, I expect that you have matching team attire as well?"

"Maybe…." Alice grinned, pulling out another bag and tossing us all matching jumpsuits. Then riffling in through the many bags purchased today finding my protective gear.

"OK, so here's the plan…" Alice started as we all gathered around. "We can easily get Edward, Bella just has to feint and injury, and we'll have him out for the day… Hmm…. Rose can you take Emmett? And Esme, Carlisle?"

"Um, if we can probably take EmmyBear out if we can find a grizzly or something to distract him, I could distract him myself, but he did ruin my favourite pair of jeans…." Rosalie mused, tapping her finger thoughtfully against her chin. Alice smiled.

"Oh, I can easily deal with Carlisle. Two words, Alice," Esme stated, looking scary, and down right evil, "Guilt. Trip."

"Excellent. Ok, I can easily take out Jasper; I have the perfect idea…" Alice concluded. "Ok, so now we need to prepare Bella." Everyone turned to me expectantly.

"Bella, don't trust anyone." Rosalie informed me.

"Especially Emmett, Emmett can be very nasty. He takes your weaknesses, and turns them against you." Alice told me.

"And the blackmail!" Esme said, paling if she could of.

"Bella, does Emmett know anything about you that he could use against you?" Alice asked, looking at me carefully.

I thought about it, and then paled. Oh, crap.

"OK, we'll take that as a yes…" Rosalie sighed. "Bella, just try and get to Edward before Emmett can get to you." Rosalie stated gravely, and I nodded, frighten at the idea of Emmett and blackmail.

"Bella, it would be better if you just told us what Emmett knows…" Esme said carefully, "Then we can judge how likely he'll use it against you, or if you can just ignore him…"

I looked at them, and took a deep breath, and began to tell them.

**(Aha!! What is the blackmail? Frankly I don't even know… But at least I have Harry, and we'll come up with something good!!! I promise to try and get another chapter up tomorrow, or possibly tonight)**


	3. Blackmail

_Isn't it funny how you can look at something, think it's horrible, want to get rid of it, but yet like 20 people are telling you it's great? Yeah, maybe it's a good thing I didn't delete this story…. Over 250 hits…_

_Thank you, Voldemort_

**Disclaimer:**I own Twilight AND Jasper when I am Alice Cullen, attend Hogwarts and Johnny Depp asks me to the Yule Ball, AKA **Don't own.**

**Paint Balling With the Cullens**

_Chapter 3_

"_Bella, it would be better if you just told us what Emmett knows…" Esme said carefully, "Then we can judge how likely he'll use it against you, or if you can just ignore him…"_

_I looked at them, and took a deep breath, and began to tell them._

"Um… what are you talking about? Ah, Emmett doesn't have anything on me!" I pathetically tried to lie. Alice and Rosalie exchanged a look. Esme actually believed me.

"Ok, then, Bella, dear," Esme said, rising from the bed, "I'm off to corrupt Carlisle before this begins. See you in an hour or two…" Esme said, walking out of the room waving.

Once she was safely a floor below us, Rosalie and Alice turned on me.

"Alright, Bella spit it out," Alice stated, crossing her arms like Rosalie.

"Um… Edward and I were kind of… ah….making out—"

"Don't you mean _groping_…" Rosalie asked as she and Alice began snickering.

"Yeah, Bella, we've seen you two go at it. It surpasses 'making out', by like 3 bases…" Alice screeched, rolling on the bed laughing with Rosalie.

"Shut up. You two have nothing to laugh about. I've seen both of you guys 'groping' your 'man friends', so just hush." I angrily replied, sobering them up.

"Sorry, Bella. Continue." Rosalie said, as she was the first to be able to talk.

"Ok, so we were," I looked at Rosalie and Alice, "'groping' on Edward's piano when everyone was supposed to be hunting, when Edward kind of…. Um… flung my shirt halfway across the room and it—" I then started to talk faster, seeing Rosalie and Alice trying to contain themselves, "—kind of knocked over Esme's antique Chinese vase which smashed on the ground… and Emmett may have gott€en the whole thing on tape…"

"Uh, oh," Alice stated the obvious. "Don't worry, Bella! I'll try and destroy the tape for you! Or at least get it out of his hands…"

"Ok, lets go outside and see the losers…" Rosalie said, rising from the bed and gracefully walking towards the door, followed by Alice.

We walked (or stumbled in my case), outside and saw Jasper, Edward and Emmett standing outside of one of the out houses, talking quietly. When we opened the door, their heads quickly snapped up and Edward smiled and ran over to me. We started to reacquaint ourselves, and so what if we may have forgotten that the other four were there? Rosalie and Emmett have passed PDA boundaries WAAAAY too many times to count, and Alice and jasper have had their fair share too, so why did they have to pick on us?

When Emmett started laughing and gagging at us, Edward drew the line. Snapping his head around at Emmett Edward asked him, "What? Just because you managed to get your wife angry, doesn't mean that we should suffer."

That kind of shut Emmett up, and Jasper started to laugh at him. Alice glared at Jasper, and he quickly shut up.

"Ok, set we need to set some ground rules for this battle royal," Alice started, as Carlisle and Esme walked over to us. "First, no ganging up on the human. Just because she's exponentially slower than us, doesn't mean that she is a target! So, to help out with this problem, you can only move at a human's pace!" Alice stated with authority.

"But that's not fair!!" Emmett whined, then shut up due to a glare from Esme.

"Second, if you are hit more than 10 times, or are hit three times by Bella, you are out. We'll be able to tell if Bella has hit you, because she has pink paint bullets, and everyone else has white. And last, no going past our property lines! If you are out, send out a flare, I have flare guns here, girls have red ones, boys have blue. OK! I think that's it… oh, yeah, and Bella gets a 10 minute head start. Cause we have to factor in fall time…" Alice finished, trailing off, looking pensive. "Oh, yeah, we start in 30minutes! Good luck, everyone!" Alice yelled, heading back into the house.

As Rosalie, Esme and I followed Alice into the house, I wondered what we were supposed to do. We reached Alice's bedroom, and changed into our little paint ball/team suits. Alice then forced my protective gear on, and we put on our helmets, or hats in Rosalie, Alice and Esme's case, and put on you walkie-talkies.

"Alice?" I asked, and Alice turned to look at me, "Aren't we cheating using these?"

"Of course we aren't, Bella! **I** made the rules, and no where in my 5 minute display did I say about the prohibit of walkie-talkies! Honestly, Bella," Alice said, looking hurt, "Do you really think I would cheat?"

Rosalie snorted, Esme smiled, and Alice glared at both of them. "ANYWAYS, ok. So, we're going to meet, here," Alice pointed to a spot on a map that she had pulled out, "At about 2:00, so in like half an hour. Bella, I'm giving you a GPS locator, so you can find it. When we get there, we'll go over our game plan, as the men will have gone over theirs," Alice replied with an evil grin. Alice grabbed my watch, and set an alarm for 2:00, and handed me my gun.

"Once you leave the house, start to head towards the out houses, and walk into the woods. One you can't see the house anymore, turn on your GPS, and hurry to the Spot." Rosalie informed me, turning on my walkie-talkie.

"Oh, and be careful, Bella," Esme said, steering me towards the stairs and to the front door, "The boys can be rowdy playing War…"

**(Ok, so that was mainly a filler chapter. Hopefully more humorous things will start in the next chapter, but you know they will. Hello? Bella lost in the woods? Well, she will be once the meeting's over…)**


	4. Taking out Emmett

_Aren't you so proud of me!!??? THREE WHOLE chapters in ONE day!! Wow. I am impressed with myself. Clearly, boredom is great for my writing… _

**Disclaimer:**No. I am not Stephenie Meyer. If I was, I wouldn't be practically begging for signed copies of her books for my birthday…

**Paint Balling with the Cullens**

_Chapter 4_

_And with that, I was out, running towards the out houses, and into the woods. Feeling a little freaked out, I turned on my GPS and started following the arrow. _

"Bella? Come in Privet Swan." I heard Alice in my headset, and smiled to myself, my sense of fear disappearing.

"Hey, Swan!" Rosalie said over the radio, "The hounds are being realised, watch your back! Over and out." And with a giggle Rosalie's voice faded out.

I wandered, well followed the arrow for a few more minutes, the GPS system informing me that I would reach my destination in a mile, so about 15 more minutes.

"Hello, Isabella." I heard from behind me. I froze. I panicked. I started to scream. And then, while screaming, I turned around.

There was Emmett, half smiling, half grimacing from the scream. I stopped screaming, and then started to laugh.

"Hey, Emmett! Have you been watching Silence of the Lambs?!" I managed to get out in between shrieks of laughter. His face fell as he realized that I was laughing at his Dr. Lector impersonation.

Suddenly his face lit up again. I started to become afraid again.

"Just surrender now, and go quietly or—"He never got to finish his sentence, as I shot him right in his stomach. He looked at the spot, then looked at me. He opened his mouth, I assume to yell at me, or start his little speech again, but I shot him again, this time on the shoulder. Enraged, he started to yell.

"Hey!! This is NOT fair!!!" Emmett screeched, while I shot him again.

"All is fair in Love and War, Emmett. AHA!!! AND YOU CAN'T SHOOT ME!!! YOU'VE BEEN SHOT THREE TIMES!!! YESS!!! YOU'RE DEAD IN THE WAR!!!" I started chanting.

"HEY!!! THAT IS SOOOO NOT FAIR!!! I NEVER EVEN GOT TO FINISH MY BLACKMAIL SPEEL!!!" Emmett roared, quite annoyed, and then turned around and stomped back to the house.

I was laughing so hard I was crying. And I was laughing. Loud. I must have been close to the meeting point, because Alice, Rosalie and Esme came running when they heard me. I think they thought I was crying, because they started to worry and ask me what was wrong, but I couldn't stop laughing long enough to tell them.

"Bella?! Bella!" Alice yelled at me, shaking me slightly. I finally quieted down to tell them, and in the middle of my story I started laughing again. When Rosalie and Alice realized that I single-handedly took out Emmett, they were shocked to say the least.

"You—you took out Emmett??" Rosalie stuttered.

"How—when—why didn't I See this??!!" Alice asked, angry that she never got to see Emmett's defeat.

Esme just smiled. "I guess Emmett has finally met his match." Esme said happily.

"YES!!! AND BELLA'S ON OUR SIDE!!!" Alice squealed, and started jumping up and down with Rosalie. "Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, ok!!!" Alice started, "NEW GAME PLAN!!! Rosalie, with me to take down Jasper," Rosalie nodded, "Esme, still the same," Esme smiled evilly, "Bella, you are going to go just to the north of this clearing, and start screaming. Edward will then run to help you, but when he gets there, shoot him. Got it?" I nodded, excited at the thought of taking down Edward.

"Ready…." Rosalie said, putting her hand out, Esme, Alice and I then put our hands on top of hers.

"BREAK!" We all shouted together.

**JPOV**

We were losing. And it wasn't even an hour into the game!! Somehow Bella had single-handedly taken out Emmett, our best and most ruthless player! I called a meeting, and gather Edward and Carlisle together.

"Ok, so we need to come up with a better plan." I started, looking at the other two, feeling their anxiousness. "New rule: DON'T UNDER ESTIMATE BELLA."

"So I am I still taking her out?" Edward asked, feeling confident.

"Yes, but Alice is planning something… I know it. She'll probably play on your weakness…" I said thoughtfully.

"Weakness? What weakness?" Edward asked, confusion pooling off of him in strong waves. Carlisle and I exchanged a look, and started laughing.

"Um, Edward, Bella?" Carlisle said, fighting back laughter.

Embarrassment was now pouring off of him. "Oh, yeah."

"Ok, so, this is what we are going to do. Carlisle, you think you can take on Esme?" I asked, looking at him

"Yes," Carlisle stated, confidence coming off him in tsunami size waves, "One look at my puppy dog eyes, and she's done."

"Ok, Edward, do you think you can help wear down Rosalie? She's probably going to be with Alice, and if it is the two of them against just me, I think I might have some difficulties…" I mused, and then was brought back by Edward's quick nod. "That's good, but your main job, Edward, is to take out Bella. She'll never be able to shoot you, and when her back is turned, take her down." Edward gave a quick nod, conforming my plan.

We were so going to win this, even without Emmett. Suddenly, there was a faint scream in the distance. Bella.

"BELLA!!!" Edward yelled, then ran off in the direction of the noise.

"NO!!! EDWARD!!! THIS IS PART OF ALICE'S PLAN!!!" Carlisle yelled after him, "Great. Now we've lost Edward, too."

**(Ok, so I think that went badly, but hey. Who knows? I don't think I did Jasper right, but I needed to let you guys know what the hell was going on with the MEN. Ahaha. 'Men'. I find that amusing. OH!! And don't forget to read "Two Vampires, A Human and Aro", that is the brilliant masterpiece of this account, and "A Day in the Life of the Cullens", Harry doesn't believe me that it's good. Grr. Why doesn't she trust me??!!)**


	5. Feint

_Oh, you guys are bad. Practically guilt-tripping me into another chapter…. Well here it is, you greedy readers, apparently 3 chapters in a day wasn't enough. I might be able to write another one tonight, but we'll just have to wait and see about that, now won't we?_

_Thanks, Voldemort_

**Disclaimer:** If I renamed my cat Twilight (I think he would like that, HIS name is Molly… I WAS 3!!!), would that mean that technically I own it? No? Well that sucks.

**Paint Balling with the Cullens**

_Chapter 5_

_We were so going to win this, even without Emmett. Suddenly, there was a faint scream in the distance. Bella._

_"BELLA!!!" Edward yelled, then ran off in the direction of the noise._

_"NO!!! EDWARD!!! THIS IS PART OF ALICE'S PLAN!!!" Carlisle yelled after him, "Great. Now we've lost Edward, too."_

**EPOV**

I heard my angel's heart wrenching scream, and immediately all other thoughts went out the window. I only had one purpose, one goal; save my Bella. I turned from Carlisle and Jasper, and ran. I ran as fast as I could, to get to Bella. I think that I may have vaguely heard Carlisle yell something after me, something about Alice, but I didn't listen to him. Nothing was as important as saving my angel, my life.

I caught her sent on the wind, and ran straight to it, stopping at the edge of the small clearing when I spotted my Bella. No!! Why was she hunched over something?!? Was she hurt?! I felt my heart drop and fear and pain wrenched through me as I stared at my Bella, hunched over in pain. Why must the sweetest angels feel pain? Bella didn't do anything! And now she was hurt!! Alice would have hell to pay, she said Bella would be fine!!! And Emmett, he was the one who suggested paint balling, and then started the war!! My angel was hurt, and I was angry. Bella should never have to feel pain!! I walked over to my angel and started to ask her if she was alright.

**BPOV**

Once I approached my designated 'Take Edward Out' clearing, I screamed. OH, did I scream. It probably sounded like I was being murdered in the back woods of Forks.

"Bella?" Alice asked me over my walkie-talkie, "He's running. Good Lord, you have an excellent set of lungs…"

"Good work, Bella!" Rosalie cheered over the radio, "Edward just passed us, and didn't even notice we were there. Now go start your act, he'll be there any second!"

"OK, talk to you in a few." I started to hobble over to a rock, hunched over my gun as if I was in pain, but all along smiling evilly to myself.

This was so going to get Edward back. For prom, for practically forcing me to be come his… _fiancée_ I shuddered at the word. For dazzling me all those times, for being perfect at frigging EVERYTHING. Well not anymore, Mr. Perfect Cullen. NOT ANYMORE. I was going to beat his ass at this paint ball war if it killed me.

Suddenly, I heard him. I heard his frantic unnecessary breaths as they looked over my hunched pain seemingly form, as he started to run over to me.

"Bella? Bella!" Edward all but screamed at me, "Oh, my angel! Bella! Are you alright?! Oh, I am going to kill Emmett!!" Edward muttered, franticly, while walking over to me.

I turned, unexpectedly, and whipped out my gun. Quickly, and surprisingly gracefully, I rose of my rock and shot him neatly three times in the chest. Edward just stood there, trying to process the situation, taking far too long for a 110 year old vampire. Suddenly, when he finally realized what I had done, shock, anger, confusion, and mild relief crossed his face. Just taking one look at him, because I had finally stunned him into silence, I started laughing.

I started laughing. Hard. I couldn't breath. I was crying. I fell on to the forest floor and started to roll around laughing. Edward still just stood there, trying to make out the situation, when he finally did, he started to get angry.

"Isabella Marie soon-to-be Masen Cullen!! What the hell was that!!! Feinting hurt so that I would come to you, then SHOOTING ME!!!!!" Edward roared, looking very scary. But I didn't care. I was laughing, still, too hard. Finally when I could stand long enough to manage to say something, I pulled Edward down on to the rock, and snuggled into his lap.

"I'm sorry…" I said, snuggling into his chest, as his arms, instantly on reflex, cradled around me. "But, you should have seen your fa—"I managed to get out before I started to laugh again. Edward growled, deep in his chest.

"You shot me…" He said, sounding a little hurt. "Why would you shoot me?" He asked looking sadly into my eyes.

"I'm sorry…" I breathed, mesmerized by his golden eyes, "But I had to. We're in a war started by Emmett… Please forgive me?" I asked, looking up at him, whipping out my newly discovered, but well worn weapon. My only weapon; my puppy dog pleading. Now that I had discovered his weakness, I was using it shamelessly to my advantage. I started to kiss my way up his neck. "Please?" I asked again.

"If you honestly think that you can plead and seduce your way out of this one…" Edward started, but then stopped suddenly when I approached closer to his face, finally making my way to his lips, then kissing him on them. "…Then you're right. Damn it. I am whipped…" Edward stated as I smacked his arm, and pulled away from him.

"Fine then, no kissed for whipping boy," I stated as I started to climb off of his lap, only to be stopped when he growled, and we continued our 'groping', as Rosalie and Alice so delicately put it.

**MEANWHILE, back at the Batcave…**

**APOV**

Rosalie and I stalked towards the clearing where Jasper and Carlisle were situated. I turned to Rosalie, and smirked. Carlisle suddenly walked off towards the opposite direction, to Esme I assumed. Jasper was alone. Everything was going perfectly. Time to go in for the kill.

**(Now, I might not be able to post another chapter a tomorrow, and I would say that you shouldn't care because you guys got three yester day, but you wouldn't care or accept any of my excuses. Because you guys are gluttonous like that, and like to harass for more chapters. Shame on you all, but keep posting the reviews!! They make me happy inside. Thanks for listening to my mindless ramblings of insanity.) **


	6. Meanwhile

_Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry………… Ok, so here's the thing, I was totally planning on posting another chapter on Wed-ish… But then I hit a terrible thing; writer's block. I think it may have to do with my location, I can come up with better stuff at my cottage, but now I'm back in the good Ol' GTA for the rest of the summer, so yeah… __**IMPORTANT!!!!!**__Ok, so this is mainly a filler chapter, so don't yell…. I need to think of a plan for Alice…DON'T HURT HARRY!!!!_

**Paint Balling with the Cullens!**

_Chapter 6_

_Rosalie and I stalked towards the clearing where Jasper and Carlisle were situated. I turned to Rosalie, and smirked. Carlisle suddenly walked off towards the opposite direction, to Esme I assumed. Jasper was alone. Everything was going perfectly. Time to go in for the kill._

**CPOV**

I walked along, looking for my darling wife. But I also had another agenda… I was going to take her out, by using my puppy eyes, then we were going to take a nice walk back to the house and take a nice, long relaxing bubble bath… together. Ahhhh….

"Carlisle, sweetie?" I heard my love call to me. Yes, I wouldn't have to find her; she was coming to me… "Ouch! Oh! Carlisle!" I started to run, to my love and panicked because she was injured!!! I ran and saw my darling on the ground, looking sadly at her new slacks.

"Yes, my love? Darling?" I asked, working myself into a panic at the sight of my sweetie. Esme turned to me, looking sad.

"Carlisle, do you love me?" She asked, giving me the saddest eyes I have ever seen, she looked like she was going to break. I quickly ran over to her and scooped her into my arms.

"Of course, darling! Why would you ever, EVER, doubt that?" I asked her, tenderly stroking her hair. "I would do ANYTHING for you…" I whispered.

"Really?" Esme asked, doubt clouding her eyes.

"Of course!" I said in horror of the idea of her not believing me.

"Well, then… If you really love me…" She trailed off.

"What, my love? Your wish is my command!" I whispered into her ear, as I noticed her starting to smile. Evilly. Oh, blast. What have I gotten myself into?! And we laugh at Edward…

"Then stand still…" Esme breathed into my ear, as all my doubt melted away. I stood up, and stood still for the love of my eternity. She turned to me, and smiled sweetly. She came to me, and started to kiss me gently, when suddenly I felt as if my ear was going to explode from the noise. I looked down, and there on my shirt was the mark of about a dozen paint balls. Oh, that's what she was doing… Bad. Bad. This was bad… I had just betrayed my fellow men. I felt bad.

"Thank you, sweetie!" Esme squeled, as she started to kiss me. Nope, don't feel bad about fully betraying Jasper. Hey, he would do the same thing. He is willing to betray anyone, do anything for Alice. I'm sure he'd understand…. And if not, then he's grounded. Along with Emmett for starting this stupid affair. Speaking of Emmett… Where was he?

**EmmettPOV**

Oh, I was sooooooo going to get Bella. I was going to get Bella back for this!! I mean, she SHOT me!!!! Oh, this was going to be good. And fun. Edward would kill me, of course… Alice would see this, but I don't care. There's nothing they can do to stop me!! I had a plan. It was perfect. Bella would never live this down.

I walked to Edward's room, and grinned evilly. Sneaking across the carpet to his closet, I tried to disturb nothing. Finally, I was at my destination. The Closet. I pushed the door open, and walked to the back of it. There it was. Edward's pride glory; his picture wall. To everyone else, it was cute and romantic, to me I was just down right creepy. And through this, my brother, I would execute my brilliant plan.

I took down every single picture, and let me tell you, it took a while, even with vampire speed!! Carefully putting each picture in a shoe box, I then ran to Jasper's office. Grabbing a pen from one of his various desk drawers, I commenced phase 2 of my plan. I rifled through my new box of pictures, and found It. I then wrote carefully on the blank white space at the bottom of the picture, and placed the picture on the photocopier and made about 50 million copies. Yes. Now for phase 3…

_Ok, so pats, rainbows and people's souls for the amazingly smart and observant people who can figure out which picture Emmett has decided to use… Cough Other stories. Cough. Hack Two Vamps, a human and Aro Hacking. There, HUGE hint, so no souls, then. I do have a plan about Alice, sort of now. So the next chapter in like a day or 2, capuche? OH!!! And for Harry's story fans, Courtney is NOT a sluty name!! Courtney is MY name!!! _

**Thank you,**** Voldy [rhymes with moldy….**


	7. Oh, SNAP! lol

_Ok, so BIIIIIIG thanks to Harry, who helped me FINALLY come up with Alice's plan. We actually find it amusing… So yeah, here's the next chapter, and hopefully the next one will be up soon, but no worries. I'm excited to write about Emmett's little plot…_

**Paint Balling with the Cullens!**

_Chapter7_

_I took down every single picture, and let me tell you, it took a while, even with vampire speed!! Carefully putting each picture in a shoe box, I then ran to Jasper's office. Grabbing a pen from one of his various desk drawers, I commenced phase 2 of my plan. I rifled through my new box of pictures, and found It. I then wrote carefully on the blank white space at the bottom of the picture, and placed the picture on the photocopier and made about 50 million copies. Yes. Now for phase 3…_

**JPOV**

They were near. I could sense them. Slowly, they were creeping closer. I knew it was more than just Alice, because they were coming from two different directions. I was slightly conserned about Alice's plan of attack, but I was a man. I've been in war situations before, this was nothing. They could never stop me!!

I was feeling hopeful, slightly smug, and a wee bit evil when I figured out their plan.

How?

I felt it. I tried to stop it. To fight it. I tried to come up with an escape plan, but I couldn't. It overwhelmed me.

I felt like I was falling into a bottomless pit, and no one could ever stop it. My whole life was taken from me. I felt like Edward without Bella, like my Alice had left me. I felt like there was nothing to live for. Why wouldn't this depressing feeling stop? Why wouldn't it just go away? How could I make it stop?

I looked at my gun, ready and loaded for my intended targets. Why couldn't I? Just make the pain go away? Just… end it all? I took up my gun, cocked it and shot.

Once.

Twice.

Three times. I just kept shooting, wondering why the pain wouldn't stop.

After about the 12th shot I had taken, I suddenly felt elated. Victory. Rage (finally one of my real emotions!!).

"ALICE!!!" I roared, looking around, and spotting Alice and Rosalie coming out from the trees. "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT MAKING ME SUICIDAL!!!!" Alice and Rosalie started killing their selves laughing at me. Ugh. At this moment, my wife and sister were so dead.

**APOV**

"Come on, Jazzy!" I managed to get out in between of my now quieting giggles, "It's just a fun little game!" He gave me a death glare, and I felt the rage pouring off of him in huge waves. I was trying to remain calm, but the anger was slightly getting to me.

"I hate you, Jasper Hale!!!" Rosalie yelled, the rage getting to her, "I hope that you burn in HELL, and then meet up with James while you're there!!! You and your stupid bloodlust!!!!"

"Yeah, well if you looked at anyone other than yourself for TWO SECONDS you would realize that YOU SUCK!!!" Jasper spat back childishly, looking at Rosalie as she screamed, running back to the house dry sobbing on the way.

"Jasper," I looked at him disapprovingly, "That was mean. I guess you're just going to have to calm down and apologize."

"Oh, and how are you going to get me to apologise?" He asked, smiling cheekily at me, just enraging me slightly.

"You are going to, or…" I looked at him, smiled and continued, "Or you are CUT OFF," He paled, "Yeah, that's right! Nothing for you! No kissing, cuddling, NOTHING. Until you do apologise!" I almost started laughing at his expression. Looks like someone will be doing some serious sucking up to Rosalie when we get home…

**BPOV**

After a heated half an hour an the woods, Edward and I were walking into the Cullen home, looking quite satisfied with ourselves. Everyone was there, and Alice looked kind of evil.

"Ok, so obviously the women have won this war, so you guys are subjet to what ever we want for a full 3 hours." Alice smiled at Rosalie, those poor guys. Makeovers. I was only thank full that I wouldn't be the victim this time. Edward looked at me hopefully, and I decided to be nice to him, well nice-ER that Rosalie and Alice.

"Don't worry, Edward, sweetie, no makeover for you!" I smiled as he looked relived, "BUT, we get to have out own fun!" He paled. "And guess what that means!" I sang.

"No, Bella! Please, no!" Edward begged, as Rosalie and Alice looked on at us, intrigued. I grinned evilly.

"Nope, sorry, Edward! You know what this means! Time for Edward's precious baby to be taken out for a spin!" He looked, if possible, worse then before, as he realised what I had in mind was far worse than blasting Lindsay Lohan, the Spice Girls, Aaron Carter and West Life from his stereo, then making him dance to it. No, in involved his OTHER baby. A certain sleek, black, very, very expensive Aston Martian located in his garage.

"Don't look so disappointed, Edward!" Alice chirped as she pulled Jasper up the stairs, "Bella will have PLENTY of time when she gets back to make you dance to Aaron Carter!" Edward looked at me with horror.

"Really?!" I squealed, excited that I would be able to mortify Edward another time before my 3 hours were up. I excitedly pulled Edward to the door as I grabbed the keys to his baby.

**EmmettPOV**

Yes. Excellent. No one had realised my brilliant plan yet!! Bella was going DOWN!!!!!!!!!! Muhahahahahahaha!!!!

"EMMETT!!!" Edward yelled. Shit. Busted. "STOP LAUGHING LIKE A MANIAC! ITS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!" Phew. No one knows… Yet.

_AHAHA!!! EMMETTS REVENGE!!! IM SO EXCITED IM USING ALL CAPITALS!!! Oh, yes, and Jennarae, thank you! I KNOW my name is NOT sluty, and now I'm totally just going to randomly throw in a Candy cause she'll be the REAL slut… MUHAHAH. Ok, I'm off to take my crazy pills, its like 2am…._

_Later, Moldy Voldy_


	8. Emmetts Revenge or Mike's Joy!

_Opps…… I kinda forgot to put in my disclaimer for like the last few chapters… So here it is, one bit whopping disclaimer_

**I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING!!!! NOPE. NADA. ZIP. IF I OWNED TWILIGHT, NEW MOON, OR ECLIPSE I WOULD NOT BE METALLY PREPAREING MYSELF FOR SEPT. 4****TH**

_There! All done. Kkkkkk…. So, here it is, the next chapter, AKA Emmett's revenge. _

**Paint Balling with the Cullens!**

_Chapter 8_

_Yes. Excellent. No one had realised my brilliant plan yet!! Bella was going DOWN!!!!!!!!!! Muhahahahahahaha!!!! _

_"EMMETT!!!" Edward yelled. Shit. Busted. "STOP LAUGHING LIKE A MANIAC! ITS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!" Phew. No one knows… Yet._

_(Sorry, guys… No Edward Aaron Cater torturing… Sorry to disappoint you. I just really want to get to Emmett's revenge and completely mortify Bella!!! Is that so much to ask?? Maybe if you ask nice, I'll write out Edward's little dance/reaction to Bella's driving later, like tonight…)_

**BPOV**

The weekend was slowly drawing to a close, but that was Ok, I was compleately content. Actually, I was estatic. I got to spend the entire weekend with Edward! Nothing could knock me off this cloud of happiness!! _(Aha, if only Bella knew…)_ I wasn't too disappointed about school on Monday, I mean, this was the 2nd last week, so only a few more days of this hell. And then, I would be with my Edward. Forever. Yes, life was good.

I awoke to my angel on Monday morning. Edward looked slightly worried.

"Edward, what is it?" I asked him, trying to figure out what it was. I started to panic, then clamed down a little bit when I realised that it wasn't something big, like him leaving again.

"Nothing, love," He answered, leaning down to kiss me. Ok, now I was pissed. I mean, why wont he tell me anything?! He thinks he's protecting me, but he's not!!!! I started crying, out of frustration, but decided to use this to my advantage.

"What is it, love? Why are you crying?" Edward asked, eyes alight with worry and concern.

"Its just… Its just…" I sobbed, trying to get some air. "I'm worried! Last time, you were acting like this too!" I wailed, slightly pleased that Jasper wasn't here to sense my gloating while I sobbed. Edward tenderly pulled me into a hug and stroked my hair.

"Bella, I will NEVER LEAVE YOU. I'm just worried about Emmett!" Ah, now we were getting somewhere, "His thoughts are disturbing me… He's planning something. And the scary part is, Alice can't really see what it is…" he said in a rush, trying to sooth me before I completely freaked out on him.

"Oh, ok," I said, kissing him on the cheek and getting up to grab some clothes. I got ready, and bounded down the stairs into my Greek god's arms. We drove to school in a peaceful bliss of silence. When we got there, everything changed. Everyone was giving me weird looks, and then laughing with their friends. Edward looked murderous.

"Emmett…" He spat, as he glared at one of the freshmen boys staring longingly at me.

"What?! What did Emmett do???!!" I asked, starting to become frantic at the idea of what was to come. Edward sent another death glare at a bunch of junior boys.

"He…He…" Edward started, the looked halfway across the parking lot and stared angrily at a bunch of trees that were shaking. "HIM." He roared, pulling me along with him to the shaking trees, where Emmett was currently located and laughing.

"Ah!!! That was classic!!" Emmett managed to spit out as he rolled on the ground laughing.

"Wha…" I started, but was interrupted as Mike ran over to us.

"Hey, Bella," He grinned, "Um, about this…" he smiled and held up a photocopied picture. I snatched it out of his hands and paled, then reddened in embarrassment and anger.

On the sheet of picture that Mike had was a picture of me. In a change room. A certin picture that Aro had taken when we went to Victoria's Secret. Oh. My. Carlisle. I was going to KILL Emmett. Because underneath the picture, in the white Polaroid space at the bottom was written _Call Me!_, and my phone number. I assumed that there were more of these photocopies somewhere.

"EMMETT!!" I screamed, Emmett stopped laughing, a look of panic crossing his face at the sight of Edward's murderous face and my hand tightly wrapped around the picture. "You are SO DEAD." I breathed in a deadly tone.

**EmmettPOV**

Shit. I am sooooo screwed. Damn it. I thought that Bella would like the joke… OH CRAP. And she didn't even know that everyone else in the school also had pictures… And about the piles of stalker-ish pictures from Edward's picture wall currently residing in Mike's locker (I had gotten a pretty penny for those…). Just wait until Edward knew!! OH SHIT. Edward just gave me a dark look. I forgot he can read minds!! Oh, I am dead…

_Ok, so there you have it. Now you know what Emmett did. So remember, if you ask nicely I'll write about Edward's torture, and him dancing to his little teeny bopper music… Ok, so the next chapter may be the last, and it probably will be, so yeah. Laterrrr, Moldy Voldy_


	9. Emmett Cullen Must Die

_HEY HEY HEY!!!! Yes, this IS another chapter!!! An, hey, its only been 2 days (or so…)!!! Ok, so I've had so issues with the stop of gushing creative juices (ie., the fountain has run dry…), and so I have no clue where the heck I am going with this chapter, I'll just write, and hopefully some good stuff will be the result!!_

**DISCLAIMER: **LALA!! Yeah, I TOTALLY OWN TWILIGHT!!! Its sitting on my desk, RIGHT NOW!!! SUCKAS!!! The legal peeps/FBI/Police will never catch me now!! MUHAHAHA!! Dammit. There's my over active imagination going again…

**Paint Balling with the Cullens**

_Chapter 9 (AKA the __DRAMATIC__ conclusion!!!)_

_Shit. I am sooooo screwed. Damn it. I thought that Bella would like the joke… OH CRAP. And she didn't even know that everyone else in the school also had pictures… And about the piles of stalker-ish pictures from Edward's picture wall currently residing in Mike's locker (I had gotten a pretty penny for those…). Just wait until Edward knew!! OH SHIT. Edward just gave me a dark look. I forgot he can read minds!! Oh, I am dead… _

**APOV**

Another boring day at the personal hell called school. I'm just walkin', yeah! Oh! I'm just awalkin' to my totally boring, easy calculus class. Nothing big or intersesting happening today. URGH. I am so bored.

Wait—Um… what is that kid holding? I ran over to the random freshman and pushed him into his locker while grabbing at what he was holding. Oh, snap. WHY DIDN'T I SEE **THIS** COMING??!!! I have to warn Bella!!

But, at yet another inconvieniant time, my stupid power decided to incompacitate me for a few seconds so I can glimpse into the oh-so-exciting! Future.

_Mike is standing in a room holding a box. He smiles really creepily, riffling through the box until he comes across what he is looking for. Suddenly, a dog barks, startling Mike, the box tumbles from his hands onto the ground. I can see what he is looking at, as hundreds of pictures tumble out of the box and across the floor. There pictures of Bella._

Those were pictures from Edward's picture wall!!! How did Mike get those?

Realisation hits me like a ton of bricks falling on an innocent basket of kittens.

Emmett.

Oh, snap. He is DEAD. If Edward doesn't get to him before me… He shouldn't!!! No one, and I mean, NO ONE, makes my guinea pig Barbie, um, I mean, future sister-in-law, look like a whore and gets away with it!! I run outside where Emmett is surrounded by Bella and Edward, looking like he's about to cry. Emett spotted me and starts to give me pleading looks.

"No, way, Emmett!!" Edward roars, "There is NO WAY Alice is going to help you!"

"EMMETT!!" I scream, Emmett just, if possible, paled, "Just WAIT until we tell Esme about this!!!" Edward starts to smile, Bella still looks too murderous to have any change in her reaction.

Jasper suddenly ran from the woods to where we stood. Suddenly I felt a wave of calm and serenity pass through me. I sent him a murderous stop-that-NOW-or-your-next glare.

"DON'T TRY AND HELP HIM!!!" I screamed, Jasper was taken aback, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?!?!?! HE MADE YOUR LITTLE SISTER LOOK LIKE A WHORE!!!" I yelled. The calm abruptly stopped. The feeling was soon replaced with anger. Emmett looked like he was about to die, and he probably was.

**BPOV**

"YOU DID WHAT?!?!" Jasper yelled, I had never heard Jasper yell so loud, or have him look so murderous. With that fact I was slightly cheered, I had Jasper, Alice--and most importantly—Edward on my side. Things were not looking good for Emmett right about now. Alice suddenly jumped up and grabbed Emmett's ear, dragging his head down about a foot and a half.

"Come on," Alice seethed, waling towards the Volvo, with a whimpering Emmett being dragged behind her, "There is NO WAY you are going home without Esme and Carlisle not knowing about this. Edward!" Alice barked, forcing Emmett into the back seat, "Drive, dammit."

We were at the Cullen residence in less than 10 minutes, everyone looking angrily towards Emmett.

"ALICE!!!" Rosalie shrieked, spotting Emmett's current position, "Put down my husband, NOW!!!"

"NO!!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID??? HE TOOK THAT PICTURE THAT ARO TOOK AND POSTED IT **EVERYWHERE** AROUND SCHOOL!!! BELLA LOOKS LIKE A WHORE!!!!" Rosalie whipped her head towards a whimpering Emmett. Edward started to snicker, obviously from hearing Rosalie's thoughts about the issue. Esme and Carlisle, who heard the entire thing, came bursting throught the front door.

"YOU DID WHAT????!!!" Esme screamed. Wow. I didn't think Esme's voice went that loud, or that she could look that angry…

"Emmett, that was irresponsible, cruel, and… just… STUPID!!" Carlisle sputtered. "What are we going to do about this?" Carlisle asked, more to himself, but everyone else looked excited. I would have been scared at their expressions, if I wasn't so pissed off at Emmett.

"Emmett!" Rosalie barked, "You are officially CUT OFF for the month," Emmett looked like he was about to cry, "No hugging, kissing, or touching for a whole month," Rosalie smirked.

"No Xbox, Playstation, or any of your other video games for 3 months. No computer, phone, or any other type of electronic for a month," Esme started, "And you have to help me out with my garden for three weeks…" Esme trailed off, looking for any other loophole in her punishments.

"OH!! I have a good one!!" Jasper said evilly, "When ever you participte in any sort of competition, you have to lose!!" Emmett looked crestfallen.

"But!!" Emmett started, "That's soo not—"

"You should have thought about that before you played that awful stunt today," Esme scolded patronizingly.

"Emmett, no grizzlies for a year," Carlisle said, "And I'm very, very, very, deeply disappointed in you. You know to treat your sister, both of your sisters, better than that. Now, I am going to let Edward extract his own punishment," Emmett looked scared, "Along with Bella," Carlisle finished. YES!!! Sweet vindication, baby!!!! Edward looked excited.

**EmmettPOV**

Aww, this is so not fair!! I didn't do anything wrong, really!! And just great, Rose is mad too!! What?!?!? NO WINNING???!! NO XBOX??!?!?! GARDENING?!?!?! Shit, Edward gets to do what ever he wants… But I'm not really worried about Bella's punishment. Sweet little sister Bella would never inflict harm to me!!

"Emmett…" Bella started, "You are going to have to eat whatever I cook for you," Bella stated. Oh, that's not that bad!! Its just… Oh, crap. I HAVE TO EAT!!! THAT'S DISGUISTING!!!!! EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

_Can't you just imagine Emmett's little girl screams when he's eating??? Ok, so this isn't the end… I think. I dunno. Ok, so I think I'm going to do another chapter, but it would be really short. Oh, and September 4__th__ (shuddering) is the day GTA kids slit their wrists, aka the dreaded back to school (shuddering)…_


	10. The End, or Emmett's Punishment

_Ok, so here I am , sitting in my room, pissy cause my sister kicked me off the computer….bitch. So, alas, I am on the laptop. I'm bored, so here's another chapter!! _

**Disclaimer!!** I own NOTHING!! NOTHING!!! Sigh, not even the Man Posse ©… Harry happily owns them…and the swords…

**Paint Balling with the Cullens!!!!**

_Chapter… 10?_

"_Emmett…" Bella started, "You are going to have to eat whatever I cook for you," Bella stated. Oh, that's not that bad!! Its just… Oh, crap. I HAVE TO EAT!!! THAT'S DISGUISTING!!!!! EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!_

**EmmettPOV**

This is NOT looking good… Where was the sane and rational part of my mind when this plan was created??!!! It should have been there, screaming _MISSION ABORT!!! MISSION ABORT!!!_ But no, it had to be on holiday, or something, or missing…

"Yeah, Emmett, I don't think that art of your mind went on holiday… I think it full out retired…" Edward snickered, causing the rest of our family to snicker.

_Hey! That wasn't nice!! _"Hey! That wasn't nice!!" I said back to him.

"Emmett, you know that I can hear you if you think something and you don't need to say it again out loud," Edward said with an exasperated sigh.

"So, um, Edward," Carlisle said, looking completely confounded, "Are you planning on Emmett doing something? Cause, you know, there's only a certain number of times we can catch him red handed at a prank or something, so, you know, get your revenge now for all those times he got you before!!"

_Hey!! That is sooooo not fair!! _"Hey!! That is so not fair!!" I yelled, giving Carlisle a dirty look. He looked down,, ashamed that he admitted the plan out loud.

"Um, Carlisle, you could have just told me in your mind… But, hell yeah! I am totally getting you now, Emmett!!" Edward yelled, giving Jasper a high five. Bella cleared her throat, "Oh, and of course, for you, love," Edward quickly added, giving Bella a quick kiss on her neck. "Anyways, before I tell you your punishment, I need to ask you something, Alice," Edward turned to her, "Can I borrow your Man Posse?"

Alice grinned evilly. This was NOT good… "Why of course, Edward!!"

"Excellent… Ok, so Emmett… This is what you're going to have to do…"

**RPOV**

I have to admit, Edward was good. After hearing his punishment, all of us, excluding Emmett, were feeling deeply appreciative. I didn't think he had it in him, and I was impressed. This was awesome, humiliating, and awesome!! I couldn't wait to go back to school at lunch!! This was brilliant.

"Carlisle!!" Emmett whined, "This isn't fair!!"

"Edward, I am impressed…" Carlisle stated in awe, then addressed Emmett, "Son, you made your bed, now you have to lay in it. It is not my fault that you angered Edward so much by destroying his stereo—"

"Twice!!" Edward chirped in.

"—painting his car pink, annoying him to no end, and making his girlfriend look like a whore, no offence Bella…"

"None taken,"

"So, then, Emmett, lets get this show on the road!" Esme stated excitedly.

Alice snapped her fingers and her Man Posse © came jogging up, wearing matching dark wash Abercrombie jeans and very tight, see-through white shirts, and struck poses, while a little fat man ran ahead of them with a giant battery powered fan, causing the Man Posse's © hair to blow dramatically in the breeze created.

"Ok, so Hans, Erik **(an, I'M ERIK!!! AHAHA!! Yes, I am in the Man Posse ©, Harry is as well, she's Hans!!) **Stephie, Todde, Viktor, Augustus, Günther, Jean Claude, you are going to be helping me with a favour for my brother Edward…" Alice explained the Man Posse© in rapid German. This announcement caused the Man Posse© to excitedly jump up and down squealing, while excitedly chattering amongst themselves in a guttural sounding German.

"Quiet, now…" The models continued to excitedly giggle, "QUIET!!" They shut up. "Ok, so here's what's going to happen…" And Alice then began to explain the plan to her Posse. After hearing their task, their eyes shone bright at the prospect of making Alice (and Edward) happy.

**BPOV**

Edward, Alice and I drove back to school in silence. Not and awkward, uncomfortable silence, but a satisfied, amused, evil silence. When we arrived at the school, it was just before lunch, and we walked over to the main office building.

"Mrs. Cope?" Edward asked, stepping into the office, "Um, we had some car problems this morning, and need to sign in late…" Edward trailed off.

"Oh, why of course!" Mrs Cope trilled, batting her eyelashes. "_Any_thing, for _you_, Edward…" Mrs Cope said breathlessly as Alice and I tried not to laugh at the 40-some-odd woman hitting on my fiancée. Edward's jaw clenched at her thoughts, and I could faintly feel a slight rumbling in his chest. After we had signed in, Mrs Cope then added, "Oh, and you three can go right to your lunch period, as there is only 5 minutes left of classes…"

Edward ran to the door and out into the parking lot. Alice and I trailed out behind him, screaming with laughter. We finally quieted down, and walked into the cafeteria. I saw the sheet that Emmett had passed around, and ground my teeth, my good mood suddenly gone. We walked over to a usually abandoned table for lunch, and watched as the students began piling in. About 5 minutes later, Edward began smiling, and I knew Emmett was going to be there soon.

Suddenly, the cafeteria doors burst open, Emmett dramatically posed, with the Man Posse © posing behind him, in the door way, and continued walking into the middle of the cafeteria. They were all walking in the typical runway style, like they were on the prowl. I almost died when I saw their outfits.

The Man Posse© were wearing little sailor outfits, without hats, that included white tight, short jumpsuits, that were unzipped in the front to re-veil inches of tan, chiselled abs, and slip on deck shoes. Emmett, oh my Carlisle, Emmett!!! Was wearing a captain's uniform, which was quite tight.

Alice and I almost died (no pun) with laughter watching them, while Edward just sat there fighting the urge to roar with laughter, as he was holding a camera trained on Emmett's every move.

Emmett suddenly jumped up on Mike's table, and commanded everyone's attention. The Man Posse© were posing dramatically in front of the table, at the fat man ran in front of them with a fan causing all their hair to look devastatingly wind-swept.

Emmett cleared his throat, as if he didn't all ready have everyone's attention already, and began speaking, "Attention students of Forks High!!" Emmett yelled, "I have a very important announcement to make, on this FAB-U-LOIS lunching period!! You see, some of you may have noticed some pictures circulating this morning, of my new and totally awesome soon-to-be sister-in-law!!" Everyone looked confused, as realization dawned onto their faces that I was engaged to Edward. Well, that would pull notice from the pictures…

"Well…" Emmett continued, despite the whispers that started up, "I couldn't just let her have all the attention, now could I?" Emmett asked with a pout, sticking his hip out a smiggen, "So, I am now announcing, to ALL OF YOU LUCKY STUDENTS, who are the first to know!! I am ALSO getting engaged!!!"

"You're getting married to Rosalie?" Edward shouted out, to provoke Emmett.

"No, no, you silly gooses! **(AN, AHAHA!!! Emmett is channelling Big Gay Al, ya know, from South Park!!!) ** That is what I am announcing!! I am leaving Rosalie, for… STEPHIE!!!!" Emmett squealed, as he jumped into Stephie's awaiting arms. He slung his arm around his neck, and shouted out, "All right now!! Stephie and I are off to Canada now, where we can get married OFFICIALLY!!! Ta ta!!" And with that the Man Posse© and Emmett left the school to a shocked silence, only broken by mine and Alice's screaming laughter. Even Edward couldn't keep it in, and he started laughing. Nervous and confused whispers broke out as we continued laughing hysterically.

We decided to skip for the rest of the day. Which was good, because we would just start randomly laughing at constant intervals. Once we showed the tape to the rest of the Cullens, Rosalie stopped sulking about the whole rumor that was sure to be spread around Forks that Emmett was leaving her because he was gay.

_Epilogue_

_And with that, Emmett started the year he called, originally, "The Year from Hell__". The pictures were forgotten by all but Lauren, who was annoyingly persistent to bring up the subject about "Bella being a whore and not deserving Edward". People get tired of constantly hearing about it, so Tyler hit her with his van. Bella was changed after her and Edward tried to elope in Las Vegas, but Alice found them and guilt-tripped Bella into her doing the wedding. Bella was changed shortly after. _

**THE END**

_I didn't know how to end it… Ahaha. It sucks!!! YAY!!! THIS ANNOYINGLY STUPID TO ME STOY IS OVER!!! Yesssssss….. you have no clue how happy and relieved I am right now… Its awesome… Ok, so Harry and I have decided that we are probably going to do a story about the adventures with the Man Posse©, but yeah. I also need other ideas for more stories and such, so give them to me if you want. Yes. Its over!!!_


End file.
